Tuesday, February 20, 2007

theEmail();


theEmail(){
//set attention span to 30 seconds
var int attentionSpan = 30;
for (int i=0; i++; i < attentionSpan){
me.do("work");
}
checkEmail();
if (email.content == "new")
then me.replyImmediately();
else if (email.content != "new")
then me.theEmail();
}

Monday, February 12, 2007

listenIntently();


function listenIntently() {
start:
input("whatever");
delay(5000);
return "what?";
goto "start";
}

function eatChip();



int numberOfChips = 60;

for (i=0; i <= numberOfChips, i++){
if (Fingers.greasy != 1){
eatNextChip();
}
else if (Fingers.greasy == 1){
Pants.wipeFingers();
Fingers.greasy = 0;
}
}

SleepAtDesk();


function sleepAtDesk() {
var distance = 48; //apprx 2 feet btwn head and desk
while (distance >= 0){
drool();
distance = distance - 1;
}
random (0, 1);
if (random == 0)
headDownSleep();
elseif (random ==1)
snort();
sleepAtDesk(); // return to beginning of function
}

Friday, February 9, 2007

Girlfriend();


function girlfriend.ask(question) {
switch (question) {
case "Do I look fat in this?": {
return null;
break
}
case "Is this lipstick on your shirt": {
return "We need to talk."
break
}
case "we need to talk": {
return "I love you.";
break
}
}
}

Law and Order


tv.power = "on";
tv.channel = "TNT";
while (tv.channel.content == "Law&Order"){
if (tv.channel.content.type == "Original")
couch.sit();
elseif (tv.channel.content.type == "SVU")
couch.sit();
elseif (tv.channel.content.type == "CriminalIntent")
tv.power = "off";
}

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Nothing Script


while (vacation == true){
void nothing();
me.watchPaintDry();
me.ingest(beer);
}

Coffee Revised for People who sleep very little


public function(var person:Human, var awake:Boolean){
if(person == Awake) {
/* methods referrring to the coffee class */
coffee.drink();
cupsOfCoffee++;
} else{
coffee.monkeycoffee();
}
}

Cob.Eat()


for (int i=0; i++; i<cob.rows(i).length)
for(int j=0; j++; j<cob.rows()) {
Bite();
Chew();
}
Floss();

Slack


while (coworkers.looking = 0){
me.slack();
}

coffee();


if (time < 7:30AM){
do{
coffee.drink();
cupsOfCoffee++;
}while (cupsOfCoffee < (7:30AM - time))

The Beach


if (me.location = "beach"){
while (1){
toes.PutInSand();
toes.Wiggle();
}
}

Force Office to Close


forceOfficeToClose(){
if(office == busy){
/* Using method from enragedWorker Class */
enragedWorker.makeFire();
}
else{
office = normal;
}
}

ski resort

if(skiResort.snowLength >= 12)
{
    self.ignore(job);
    self.pack(skiEquipment);
    self.travel(skiResort);
    self.ski();
}

At the Bar


if (girl.oddsOfSex > 0)
girl.buyDrink();
elseif (girl.attractive == very)
girl.buyDrink();
elseif (me.drunk == very)
girl.buyDrink();
else
girl.pretendIHaveNoMoney();

fakeFlu();


if (feelOK == TRUE && wannaStayHome == TRUE){
punchSelf(stomach);
callBoss();
returnToCouch();
}

Watching all the girls


if (fieldOfVision.girls == true){
if (fieldOfVision.girls.age > 18)
stareAtGirls();
else
lookForOlderSister();
}
}

pizza();


do{
eatSlice();
}while (seeDouble == TRUE && burp == brooklynLager);

feed();


if (Couch.popcorn == 0){
Me.moveTo(kitchen);
Me.eat(macAndCheese);
Me.returnToCouch();
}

Tequilla.drink();


var MrNo = tequilla.drink();

for (i < MrNo.nausea.onset.value){
MrNo.drink(i);
i++;
}

First example

for (Me.clock = noon; Me.clock < 5PM; Me.clock++){
Me.hitSnooze = TRUE;
Me.sleep();
}